مِن بِلَاد الفرنجة

unleash a monster or die slowly

Quoting paperman best scene 

Richard regarded his solitude as something sacred as a well earned badge of honor, a cloak to be worn to ward off life. As his safety. Solitude is who he was. This caused those in his life to view him with a barely veiled contempt. Richard was certain tat he was not liked. Which is hard on a man. Maybe it was because he gave nothing that he received nothing in return. In any case, his situation had become intolerable. The closest things he had to friends were either imaginary or extinct. And Richard had reached a point of life where this was no longer enough. And then he met a girl… And she was warm. And she was sad. And she was maybe lonely in a way that reminded him of himself. She’d lost things that a girl should never have lost. And she knew things. And she taught him. And Richard thought: “Maybe this is what friendship feels like. Maybe.” It was just a glimpse, they’d barely begun, really. But in those long, few winter days, she’d given him so much. Enough so that Richard could go on. And what had he given her? Just a few words on a page. Not much, perhaps. But for Abby, he hoped it was enough.

Fool

Night and books
Her lovely looks
Why did I leave?
I ask myself why
Was I that naive?
Dreams and goodbye
Too much drama
Look at the sky
I am here
I am coming
Trust me
It’s not a sci-fi
Or maybe
The impostor was right
Poetry? I can’t write
Or maybe
She thinks that I might
ِAgain?
You must be kidding
Ha, not-so-bright?
Let’s fly together
I propose
So will the little prince
It’s his beloved rose
She’s just too scared
I suppose
It is terrifying
but together here it goes
Time slows
We were so close
Space?
Come on! We’re Pharaohs!
Will I stay?
Of course, she knows
What is life without curiosity?
But what was life without her?
Fool, a so-sweet fool.

 

Dear friend,
I have been writing a code for a project for the past month which I should hand out the day after tomorrow, yet here I am totally freaking out and probably will try to write a completely new one in few hours. I hope I don’t suck at presenting it as well, it’s about planetary motion which is my interest so I should be good at it.
Sincerely,
M.M.

Dear friend,
There is a chance to be good again. Take it and don’t leave.
Sincerely,

There’s a starman waiting in the sky.

على دراجتي 2

،أمس خريف
،اليوم خريف
.وغدًا خريف
أثلجت السماء نهارنا
.رغم أنه حقًا خريفًا

،على دراجتي أسرع متأخرًا كعادتي
يداي تجمدتا من شدة البرد؛
،نسيت أن أقرأ النشرة
،ونسيت القفازات
.كعادتي

،على دراجتي لا تحضرني متلازمتي
،لا أفكر إلا في شيء واحد
،ولا أتذكر غيرك
.كل ذرة في الكون تفعل كذلك

،على دراجتي
،عزيزتي
،أفتقدك
.وأحبك ولا أرى سواك

،على دراجتي
،تُكتب تلك الكلمات في خارطة ذهني
.وأرجو الله ألا تُنسيها لهفتي وشوقي أو البرد القارس

،على دراجتي
،أشعر بك في القارة الأخرى
،فأصلي وأدعو ألا ترحلين
.أحن إليك

،على دراجتي
،لم يمض أسبوع بالكاد
تمر الدقائق عقود ولكن عمري قصير؛
.أنتظر

.بعيد جدًا

The L Word

Dear friend,
Is everything alright? Did you miss my writing as I miss you? Were you waiting for my letter? I wish I could check up on you every day and night without seeming too attached and without making the conversation between us get to the point where it’s formal and boring. I can’t stop asking myself how are you doing right now, I can’t stop provoking your serenity either. I know you’d understand what I’m trying to say.
This week was merely a disaster especially for my circadian clock; I could give my weekly assignments on time -Thank God- but it took me days to finish them, that’s how my week usually looks like though. We’re having Monday as an extra weekend because it’s a national holiday of the state where I live. I hope I could use it well to get myself straight in school, I know I won’t.
Two days ago we had an annular party I didn’t go to last year because I preferred to sleep instead,I love my bed. We ought to climb on an empty barrel-because the party is called “Fassfete” which means barrel-party- in front of the whole college students undergrad and postgrad then introduce ourselves, say anything special about ourselves and sing from the “Phibel” which is the bible but for physics students, it has special funny songs and poems about physics. I was quite nervous because I didn’t know most of the attendants owing to the fact that my colleagues and friends from other years were few compared to postgrad students and professors who were filling the seats everywhere. I did introduce myself, ran something funny about living in front of the pyramids and loving classical music then I asked them I would sing from Beethoven’s ninth symphony instead of the Phibel songs from which I don’t know their rhymes whilst I can never forget “An die Freude” as I went to the Cairo opera three years ago where I  got to watch and listen to the beauty of it,live. They sang along, I think I was good despite my sincere belief that I sounded a little goofy because I never sang it for anyone except myself in the shower. They applauded then I got question about living in Greifswald and if I’m willing to drink bier that night because the party was almost nothing but a pub; I said although I never had , I would but only the not-alcoholic bier and laughed then left the stage to get my first light-bier which my friend told me it doesn’t taste well and that’s why he doesn’t drink bier while him being against alcohol as well. I didn’t like it as expected and asked why they keep refilling their glasses-from the alcoholic barrel when it’s not so good or sweet as I expected; they answered:”when you get to finish your bottle you’d understand”. I did, then went for my second and third bottle and realized they were right it’s like light tasteless coke. I used to like Fairouz-not the singer, I like her too- which is light bier with fruit tastes and I think it’s the same with not being able to hand the bottle down. The party was really good I like enjoying the German folklore without breaking what I believe in. I assured myself for the third time that my presentation skills are way better in German than in English or even in Arabic.
It’s fine to have company, for a night. You know, I thought about what I said last week when it turned out I completely misinterpreted and prejudged my feelings. I was wrong. It’s not slipping away, au contraire, it has never been going so deeply, never. Maybe it’s finally reached what Osho said about the L word, maybe I’m just fantasizing and hoping that my affection is growing even more with more time and distance between us. But what if it does? does it mean when we eventually get together someday we’d not have anything to talk about? Would we lose the spark-at least the one I’m feeling- which is why I’m still writing? Would we?
A moment of confrontation. I’m 21 years old. I don’t fear anything, and I mean anything, even God; whereas my love for him is so strong that I can’t picture him as a source of horror and I’m still working on that matter. I mentioned my non existing fears because people often tend to fear the absence of things; most of humans are scared of darkness when we all know it’s just a place where no source of light, they get terrified imagining ghosts when we also know there’re no such thing.I can’t fear the absence of God, he’s always there. I discovered I was totally insecure last month, maybe I only have that one fear or at least I was anxious about it, that someday you, my friend, are going to say” I’m sorry, I should leave” that’s why I kept asking and wondering if there’ll be such an incident so that I could prevent it somehow, at least that’s what I deduced from my disturbing letters and misunderstanding yours, at least that’s what I could conceive from the last week. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to say that I hope that you never leave and unless you won’t this is not it, I hope my fear doesn’t come true one day either.
Love always,
M.M.

Sleep tight

Dear friend,
How have you been and how is your life going? I look forward to hearing from you again, telling me about whatever you’re doing nowadays I know I’d be interested. I’m sorry, I haven’t written for a long time. It’s the college mess and being stressed out again, you’d understand. This time my letter would be exactly as you are, short and sweet. I only wanted to check up on you and promise I’ll try to reply as often as I could owing to the fact that I miss writing to you, or to be honest I miss you. This semester is too crowded with complicated stuff from electrodynamics, Atom-physics, linear Algebra, computational physics and finally the theory of relativity which makes the whole week look like an accelerating car I’m trying to catch on foot whilst attempting to avoid the nails that being thrown from behind. I want to tell you details, I’d love to but I know you are tired too so maybe this weekend I’d tell you all about what was stressing me and keeping me insecure which affected the way I wrote to you but not tonight. Tonight is peaceful, let’s just enjoy it. It’s quiet here I hope yours is quiet as well. You know it’s also Gilmour’s night in my head and the brain is loving it because it can only keep the music not the lyrics- its lyrics is great though- so this what I’d like to share with you.Short and sweet. Till next weekend.
Love ALWAYS,
Still not Charlie.